I haven’t met my younger self for coffee, because she’s with me every day and we are both appallingly bad at diary duelling.
My home, my business, my friends & my life are all the things she dreamed of, and we’ve worked together over many years to make it a reality. She pops up often to remind me of what I want and where I’m headed, even as those things evolve. She’s also pretty good at reminding me of things I absolutely definitely do not want under any circumstances!
She knows there’s huge loss and also great joy ahead, but like me, prefers to figure out the present than try to predict the future. She is battling the intense self-belief and equally intense self-doubt that she can make it as a photographer, which is her most secret but most important dream. She is determined to live on her own but hasn’t yet figured out how much she adores single life.
We both line dance, we both rollerskate, we both read. She rides horses, I don’t at the moment but do have actual saddles instead of desk chairs at home and at the studio. We still collect model horses and dolls, and we still love self portraits and writing as the best way we know of figuring out the world.
We sometimes surprise each other with our thoughts and decisions and reactions – I’ve changed and grown a lot over time – but I love proving to her, and to myself, that I can do this, and have made this magical life happen.
She is baffled by me and proud of me – and I am so proud of her for hanging on to all the things she loved even when she was called weird and odd and geek for loving them.
I wouldn’t be me without her, and she will always be part of me – and we both hate coffee, anyway.
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Original poem which inspired the trend by Jennae Cecilia: website instagram
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Pssst… have you heard?
The secret’s out – I started a Substack! After 20 years of blogging and email newsletters, I have created one place where I can talk about everything without worrying about which brand or bucket it fits into – all the Carla magic in one place.
Everything will still have its own mailing list for specific stuff, but Substack, after my initial misgivings, feels like blogging used to, and I’d love for you to follow along for the ride.
You can hop over and read, and/or subscribe for free, here:
https://colourfulmagicalweirdo.substack.com
See you there!
Photos, from top:
2008 me with 2024 me – 2024 photo by Sarah Wayte
2011 me with 2025 me – both phone photos by me, and the same pair of skates, the 2011 photo was their first outing!
2024 me and 2007 me – 2024 photo by Sarah Wayte
